Being on top during sex can feel intimidating, and it’s not always as easy as it looks. Don’t despair; with a bit of practice, you could be riding like an equestrian.
There’s a stigma attached to not liking the ‘on-top’ position, so firstly, never feel guilty about not liking this, or any other sex position at that. It’s your body, and the moment sex stops being pleasurable, it’s not worth it.
Many people are hesitant to saddle up, and cowgirl and it largely comes down to a lack of confidence in this position. Though empowering, it is a vulnerable position, and it can be intimidating. But you can easily learn how to be on top, and most importantly, enjoy it.
Be In The Moment
Sometimes being on top gets the mind racing at a million miles per minute. Try not to overthink the process, suggests sexologist Malika O’Neill, LPC, and founder and CEO of The Pleasure Collective, LLC.
Forget about wrong and right, and focus on what feels good. It may help to close your eyes and zero in on the sensations. If switching off the lights helps you feel more confident, then do that.
Don’t Compare Yourself To Porn
Porn has created unrealistic standards for how sex is supposed to look, feel, and even sound. While porn gives the impression that the cowgirl position is springy and buoyant, cowgirl can actually look different in reality.
If the party isn’t jumping, jumping, switch up the rhythm to something more relaxed. Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist suggests trying a smaller range of motion, moving slower, and grinding on your partner instead of the energetic bounce. It might make the position easier — and more enjoyable — if you go at your own pace.
The great thing about being on top is that you have control over your pleasure. Also, the position allows your hands to be free, unless, of course, you are grabbing onto the nearest piece of furniture for dear life (which is ok).
Marin recommends reaching your hand down and touching your clitoris as you grind against your partner. This will make it easier for you to reach orgasm, and your partner will love being able to watch.
Figuring Out How To Move Your Body
Once you’ve found the perfect angle, starting by making small, slow adjustments to your hips or body until you hit that sweet spot and then go to town with it.
“From there, it’s easy to bounce up and down or rock your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris. You can also try squatting with your feet flat. You’ll need more balance, but it opens your hips for deeper penetration.Antonia Hall, sex and relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life tells Cosmopolitan.
Talk Things Out
If you’re having difficulty with this position, let your partner know. They could support you from the hips, which will make cowgirling much easier.
Or, you actually just don’t like this position. That’s just fine because when it comes to sex, it’s literally different strokes for different folks. Direct your partner to a different position or tell them what you do like.