How to Be the House Guest Everyone Wants Back, According to Etiquette Experts

Heading to a loved one’s home for the holidays? A few simple courtesies, like making your bed and checking in on your host, can turn a good stay into a memorable one. Experts share what to do before, during, and after your visit.

With Thanksgiving approaching, many of us will soon be packing a bag and heading to stay with family or friends. And while hosts work hard to make guests feel welcome, being a great guest also takes some effort.

“The best advice for being a great house guest is to be mindful of how your host will feel once you leave,” says Dylan DiTullio, rooms executive at The Ritz-Carlton in Key Biscayne. “The goal is for them to feel grateful they had you, not relieved that you’re gone.”

If you’re looking to snag another invitation from your host, here’s what you should do.

Before You Arrive

Being a gracious guest begins even before you set foot in your host’s home. This includes providing them with your travel dates well in advance, along with the time you’re arriving so they can prepare.

If you have any dietary restrictions, allergies, or need special ingredients, let them know ahead of time. Better yet, offer to buy your special ingredients yourself, especially if your hosts won’t be able to make use of them when you leave.

Don’t bring anyone your host isn’t expecting, and avoid asking at the last minute. “It may not seem like a big deal, but it is,” says Star Taylor, CEO of Sage Allure Events and Decor. Hosts need to plan for how many guests they’re expecting, so don’t blindside them.

Upon Arriving

Once you’ve arrived, present your host with a thoughtful gift right away, rather than waiting until you leave, says Myka Meier, founder and director of Beaumont Etiquette. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but “the longer the stay or the more family you arrive with, the bigger the host gift should be,” Meier notes.

During Your Stay

Once you’ve settled in, pay attention to your host’s routines so you don’t get in the way. If they keep their shoes at the door, do the same. If they have a toddler who naps in the afternoon, try not to disrupt it with any unnecessary noise.

While you are a welcome guest, know your boundaries. Ask for what you need instead of rummaging through cabinets or the fridge, unless your host gives you the go-ahead to help yourself.

Even if you’re more relaxed about tidying at home, be mindful of being tidy in their space. Keep your room neat and clean, and make your bed every morning. These are simple courtesies that go a long way.

When it’s time to eat, offer to set the table, pour drinks, or help clean up afterward. Your hosts may be busy attending to guests, so check on them, too. Erika Hardnett, co-founder of The Home Sweet Hosts, suggests asking whether they’ve eaten or had a chance to sit down.

Throughout your stay, bring positive energy and be flexible. If your host suggests an activity, go along with it, since it’s usually meant to make your visit more enjoyable.

Before You Leave

As your visit wraps up, ask your host whether they’d like you to strip the bed, since some prefer to do it themselves. Give the bathroom a quick wipe-down so it’s nearly as tidy as when you arrived.

After You Get Home

Once you get back to your own place, there is one last thing to do to leave a lasting good impression. Send a thank-you note or message, preferably a handwritten one, mentioning specific details you enjoyed during your stay, like a favorite dish or an unforgettable moment, which shows genuine appreciation, says Christian Aliotte, co-founder of The Home Sweet Hosts.

To be a good house guest, all you need to be is considerate. A gracious host deserves a gracious guest, and if you’d like an invitation next year, it’s a simple ask.