Long after the flowers have wilted and the music has faded, two people’s lives evolve into a deeply intertwined reality filled with lessons. Every marriage has its own set of lessons.
I have come to learn that Jean-Paul Sartre’s idea that “introspection is always retrospection” is especially true when it comes to evaluating who you have become over the years. Looking back, there are multiple things that have moulded into who I am today.
However, the biggest lessons I’ve learnt come directly from my marriage. Here are five lessons I learned after I got married.
1. Every Battle Isn’t Worth Winning
My husband and I have very little in common in terms of our personality traits and ways we process situations. So clashes are bound to happen.
However, learning that every teaspoon forgotten on the table is not worth the energy it takes to get angry was a lesson that came with time. Especially if it’s only a few steps away from the basin.
2. You Are Allowed To Be Separate People
As a naturally very independent person, I always found the concept of giving up yourself to fit into the unit mindset a difficult one to comprehend. The idea of having all the same friends, wants, needs and likes seemed unnaturally forced to me.
Don’t get me wrong, it works amazingly for some. But being two strong-willed people in our relationship, we quickly realized that being married does not need us to be the same person. Instead, we’ve found that by being individuals we each bring a unique perspective to the same situation thus allowing us to see an issue from more than one view.
3. An Open Mind Gets You Far
Coming from two different countries and backgrounds, my husband and I often find the biggest struggle in our relationship is adjusting to what we each consider normal. Thus staying open minded and willing to try something new has become a huge part of our relationship.
It has taken us adventuring through the countryside and had us stumble upon adorable farmers’ markets hidden in plain sight. Thus whether it’s trying a new dish or meeting a new group of people, we have learned to choose to only judge the activity.
4. How You Communicate Is Key
Communication is key may sound like the ultimate relationship advice cliché but we’ve come to realize it’s true. We married young so it took us a long time to realize that proper communication is not yelling out your frustrations.
Sometimes, taking a breather until you’ve calmed down before talking the issue over with each other does far more for your relationship than talking when you’re angry. To compromise and find solutions you both can accept needs you both to have a clear and calm mind.
5. Love Just Is
Lastly, I’ve learned that you don’t need a reason or a list of ideals to love someone. We are direct opposites in most things and share very few of the same interests thus often end up being in the same space but doing completely different things.
Yet, neither of us could imagine our life without the other. Love doesn’t need an epic storyline to run deep nor does it need to appear logical, it just is.