Freaky, Kinky and Out of the Box Sex Play for Fetish Dummies

Well hello! Welcome to the wild side of sex. Those of you who think woman-on-top is the outer edge of kinks, and swear by the missionary position with the lights out had better buckle up for the ride.

Human sexuality is a murky maze full of unexpected twists, turns and lots, and lots of kinks. Some of the weirder fetishes we won’t go into – like necrophilia, sex with the dead – because honestly, it’s not likely you’ll encounter it unless you are dating a mortician. We don’t think they date a lot…

What's Out There

So what can you expect if your hot date leans over during a romantic dinner and whispers “Are you into kinks?” Well, just about anything, really.

So you won’t look like a complete hick we’ll give you a breakdown of some of the fetishes which happen to be fashionable at the moment. Yes indeed! There are fashions in fetishes, and you have to be cool about how you drool…

Call Me Daddy

Sex talk can range from the bawdy to the downright offensive, but for some reason, first-timers are often particularly put off by their partner's request to “Call me daddy,” or “Talk to me like you’re my daddy.” Some take the infantilism to the extremes, and actually wear diapers, or ask their partners to wear them.

If wiping a giant-sized tushie in a diaper doesn’t turn you off, go for it. This fetish can sometimes extend to sex with a pregnant woman or wanting to breastfeed from a lactating mom. The cardinal rule in fetish sex is: Only do what makes you comfortable, so if you try it and don’t like it, call a halt.

Whips And Chains

BDSM includes a broad spectrum of fetishes that range from mild fun with a pair of furry pink handcuffs, all the way to seriously dangerous activities that require the establishment of “safe words.”

If your new crush is into BDSM, score some points, and look with-it by immediately establishing a safe word. Safe words should not be “Oh God, Yes..yes…” nor “Stop this minute!” Safe words should be something not likely to come up in pillow talk like “Osteoporosis” or “Mucus membranes.” On hearing the safe word, your partner will immediately stop.

BDSM adepts are either dominant or submissive, like to inflict pain (sado), or have it inflicted on them (maso) – or both (sadomasochists). A darker side to BDSM is humiliation play, which may not involve any kind of physical domination, but is dependent on inflicting emotional pain and degradation on the partner.

Bondage play is varied and imaginative, and can include Japanese Bondage, which is as intricate and time-consuming as origami; plain old whips; the use of “zappers,” which deliver an electric charge to the genitals or anus, or plain good old fashioned paddle spankings.

Another variation is wax play, in which hot candle wax is dripped on the tied up and blindfolded submissive, who doesn’t know where or when the next sizzling drop will fall. Please note that you should never enter into any type of BDSM play with someone you don’t trust.

Gag On It

Some people love “choking” or “gagging” which is not to be confused with erotic or autoerotic asphyxia, which is very dangerous indeed. “Choking” adepts love to have their partners literally gagging on their penises during oral sex. The gagging should not reach the point where the other person is struggling to breathe, or when the vomit reflex is triggered.

The Cinderella Fetish

Everyone knows that the Prince in Cinderella had a foot – or was it a shoe fetish? Shoe and foot fetishists are aroused by…You’ve guessed it! Feet and shoes.

Your lover with a shoe fetish may lick your Manolo Blahniks passionately, and weep over your thigh-high Prada boots, and never think to engage in delightful foreplay involving breasts, nipples or other conventional erogenous zones.

On the other hand (or is it foot), your foot fetishist may devote delicious hours to kissing, admiring, and massaging your feet. You may even be on the receiving end of the best pedicure ever…followed by an orgasm! What more could a girl want?

The Pantyhose Variation

There is another fetish that focuses solely on pantyhose and stockings in which one or both partners feel aroused by wearing the aforementioned or seeing it on the object of their desire.

Remember that last scene in Rocky Horror Picture Show? Pantyhose fetishists go wild at the touch of nylon, and some even like to have them stuffed into their mouths.

How Sweet The Hand

The quirofiliac is a close relative to the foot fetishist – a sort of kissing cousin – and is defined as a hand fetishist. Yep. There are people out there for whom hands are intensely erotic; they require only a glimpse of a well-cared-for hand to become aroused.

Hand fetishists are also likely to concentrate on hands as erogenous zones, have a thing for satin gloves, give great manicures, and shyly request handjobs with scented oils or perfumed hand creams.

The Object Of Desire

Some people’s arousal is triggered not by a person, an act, or even a body part, but by an inanimate object which is designated as objectum sexuality.

An obsession with lingerie, sex toys, and sex surrogates like dolls are all classified as objectum sexuality, but it can range all the way to the most exotic, with people admitting they are sexually aroused by their cars, cutlery, lampshades…Whatever turns them on, is usually linked to their first sensation of arousal as a teen.

Cheat On Me

The adultery fetish is something a partner may suddenly blindside you with after years of monogamy, or define as part of the relationship dynamics from the word go.

Cheatists get their kicks from knowing that their partner is being unfaithful, and will often pick out the person they want to be cheated on with. Sometimes the cheatist will want to witness the adulterous act, and derives sexual gratification from watching.

I Spy With My Little Eye

There is a distinct element of voyeurism to the cheatist, but the true-blue voyeur often gets off on watching other people have sex without their knowledge. Your voyeur lover may ask you to masturbate while he/ she watches from a hidden vantage point, and pretend you are unaware of his/ her presence. A voyeur and an exhibitionist are a match made in heaven…

Please note that indulging in voyeurism without consent can land you in jail, and on the sex offender registry, so think before you peep.

Let’s Pretend

Some couples have a role-playing fetish, in which they will play “Let’s pretend.” For example, the woman might dress up as a prostitute and go to a bar or a street corner, and be “picked up” by her partner as if he was a stranger.

Others might have a thing for rape fantasy, or pretend adulterous encounters. These and countless other fantasies are lived out by role-playing couples to their mutual satisfaction as a way to keep their sex lives exciting.

Stranger Loves

If some of the above are a little out there for you, you may brace yourself for the impact. Ever heard of Tentacle Sex? Yep! That’s a thing! There’s nothing like sex with something alien with suckers to get the juices flowing.

Some sex performers specialize in live shows with a real octopus, but for those who prefer their cephalopods grilled on a plate with garlic and cilantro, sex toy manufacturers have mechanical tentacles on order.

And if Tentacle Sex isn’t quite your thing, there’s always spectrophilia. This is sex with a non-corporeal entity variously identified by fetishists as “ghost." These might be ghosts of the beloved departed, historical figures, or deceased celebrities. Spectrophilia may well be the basis of the myths about succubae and incubi – phantasmagoric lovers who evaporate in the light of day.

This may not actually be such a bad fetish to espouse, especially considering some of the real-life horrors we encounter out there…

Getting Down And Dirty

The most difficult for fetish newbies to get their heads around may just be those that deal with the less savory bodily functions such as urinating and defecating.

Golden Showers adepts love having their partner urinating on them, while enthusiasts of the Blumpkin go wild at the thought of getting a blowjob while defecating.

Some, denoted as Klismaphiliacs, even derive their pleasure from having an enema. In case you’ve never experienced one, this is a procedure in which warm fluid is introduced into the rectum, flooding the colon to facilitate the evacuation of feces.

Of course, some couples use the enema as foreplay, as a prelude to anal sex, with the added advantage that it gets the anal passage squeaky clean. And yes, there are people -- many of them heterosexuals -- who have an anal fetish.

What Works For You

These and many more are considered fetishes, but so is anything that turns you on to the exclusion of all else.

Whatever you do or don’t do is between you and your partner, be it human, octopod, object, or spectral. Whatever turns you on and is a consensual act between adults is A-OK.

But if at any time anything you do makes you feel degraded, or objectified, call a halt. Sex is playtime, but you rule the playground, and you set the rules. It’s not play is only one of you is having fun.

Explore, enjoy, have fun, but remember, be careful, and stay safe.