The Ultimate Guide To Discussing Boundaries In A Relationship

Daniella Segell
Sep 13, 2021
12:00 A.M.
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Being in a relationship is never 100% plain sailing. There will always be disagreements and bumps in the road, and whether or not you come out of them stronger determines how successful that relationship will be.


There are different ideas and beliefs from each person, and in the beginning, it can often be a little bit difficult to navigate these together. However, having clear and firm boundaries ensures that both you and your partner feel loved and respected.

If you are struggling to voice your boundaries to your partner, here are some helpful tips on doing so.

Early Start

Couple silhouette | Unsplash

Couple silhouette | Unsplash

In any relationship, you must begin as you mean to end. This means that if you want to have a certain boundary, you need to set it up that way from the beginning of the relationship so that your partner knows it has always been something that you need.


If the boundary seems to appear out of nowhere, your partner might be less likely to respect it as you have let them do things that go beyond that boundary in the past, and it has not been an issue in your relationship.


Speak truth scrabble blocks | Unsplash

Speak truth scrabble blocks | Unsplash

It is far more important, to be honest in a relationship than to seem like the ‘cool’ partner or have a fear of making your partner uncomfortable. You have to speak up about exactly what you need from your partner.

If you cannot be honest with your partner about what you need from the relationship, that is likely not the right relationship to be in in the first place. Honest is important throughout a relationship.



Couple talking | Unsplash

Couple talking | Unsplash

Once you have set your boundaries up, discuss them with your partner. Let your partner know exactly what your boundaries are and, if you are comfortable, tell them why you have those boundaries in place.

Doing this will allow you and your partner to understand each other better and find common ground on which you can stand for your relationship. It is important to have these conversations often.


Couple's hands | Unsplash

Couple's hands | Unsplash


In the same way that you want your partner to listen and understand you when you speak about your boundaries and expectations in the relationship, you must listen to and understand them.

If you do not listen to your partner, you cannot expect them to listen to you. Having mutual respect and understanding can only come from communicating effectively, a lot of which is listening.

Ask For What You Need

Forehead kiss | Unsplash

Forehead kiss | Unsplash

Once you have set your boundaries up and spoken to your partner about them, you will need to have conversations periodically to let your partner know what they are doing that you are enjoying and what they can improve upon.

Your partner must also let you know what you are doing that is working for them and what they would have you do differently. You should have these conversations as often as is necessary for you and your partner.

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