Every relationship has tough moments. From silly arguments over who forgot to close the toothpaste to full-blown fights over the bills, conflict is a normal part of most relationships.
However, whether or not it is healthy for your connection with each other comes down to how you solve the issues. Here are five healthy tips to keep in mind when you’re trying to restore peace between each other.
1. Stay Calm
In the heat of the moment, losing your cool and screaming something you’ll regret later is just a little too tempting. Speaking from experience, only one of you can be at boiling point at a time. Instead of losing your cool and getting aggressive or cursing, try taking a moment to calm down first.
Walk away, drink some water and count to ten. When you have calmed down, then open up a discussion to solve the problem. You should never feel scared of your partner if they get angry and if you are perhaps it is time to carefully consider if your relationship is bordering on abusive.
2. Focus On The Cause Of The Issue
In the midst of an argument, bringing up the past and getting sidetracked is very easy. Not to mention that sometimes the problem isn’t the reason the argument started.
Often times, the root of the problem is that someone’s needs are not being met in the relationship. If you find that you are both fighting over small and unnecessary issues, carefully discuss if there is a bigger problem and focus on solving the cause, not the symptoms.
3. Do Not Blame Eachother
Making statements that attack your partner’s character or personality will cause irreparable damage over time. Blaming each other makes both of you defensive and closed off to communicating. Instead, try to use “I statements” that express how you feel about certain issues.
Also, opt to use “behavior descriptions” instead of character flaws when explaining what upset you in a situation. For example, say “I felt hurt and not trusted by the questions about my time out” instead of saying “your constant jealousy is annoying.”
4. Listen To Understand Not Defend
Before diving into any issue together, remind yourself that you are not on trial. Listen to your partner’s statements and focus on what they are saying and understand the point of their words. Do not get defensive or try to fix anything immediately.
“It’s more about understanding them in that moment, which will eventually bring a resolution, rather than jumping to a resolution.”says Elizabeth Clair de Lune, a love and relationship coach.
Lastly, after both of you reach an understanding, it is time to find a balance that works for both of you. To keep any relationship healthy, compromisation is key.
Often times, you will be surprised by how easy it is to find the middle-ground. Sometimes a calm discussion and drawing up a plan together will solve the issue.