Trust is not an emotion but a choice. Being vulnerable is difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt many times in the past. For instance, if your previous partner cheated or lied to you and you find yourself carrying those feelings into a new relationship, that’s not fair.
Carrying baggage with you from relationship to relationship not only self-sabotages you but also leaves you hurt as if you have to prove a point to yourself. However, recognizing that behavioral pattern in you is a significant first step.
Therefore, try to take control of your life by learning how to trust again. Having self-awareness is a significant first step in regaining trust in someone. Thus, use these six tips to learn how to trust in a new relationship for potential payoff.
Look At Your Partner Objectively
Are they trustworthy? Before you make any decisions, it’s best to sit back and think about your partner objectively. For instance, you can assess how their friends are, the type of person they are in different situations and if you’ve seen any red flags, to mention a few.
However, as you’re assessing your partner’s qualities, remember to do the same for yourself. To begin, come up with some prompts that will guide you. For example, you can assess if you hold any bias you might need to start this relationship with on fairground.
Be Vulnerable Gradually
Learn how to let people in. No one ever gets close with a partner by having surface-level conversations since the foundation for building trust is not there. For sure, you didn’t enter an exclusive relationship by talking about the weather only.
Building trust is about being vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Open up about your fears, unattractive aspects, or embarrassing moments about the past. Gradually having open conversations will create an avenue to build trust with your partner.
Seek Closure From The Past If Possible
If your past relationship ended due to trust issues and you somehow can’t seem to move on, seek closure. However, we only recommend doing this if the relationship ended on cordial terms and not due to their erratic behavior pattern.
Although, if you would love to pursue this route, remember the only intention is to seek closure. Alternatively, time heals everything if you can draw perspectives on your own, and becoming more open accepting of your current partner, is the best route to go.
Communicate In Respectful Ways
Communication in any relationship is endless; therefore, giving room to discuss what hurt you in the past could be difficult and might leave you sweating. However, doing this is essential and beneficial for the two of you to move forward.
While opening up and sharing your past experiences, give room to your partner to respond and listen to what they say. Aim for communication that is kind, respectful while being honest and authentic at the same time too.
Talk About Expectations
Clarity is essential; therefore, discussing expectations is very crucial in avoiding disappointments. For sure, it may feel intimidating and awkward in the beginning, but your partner needs to know what your expectations of monogamy are.
Also, discuss past experiences of your partner cheating on you and how you would like to navigate the relationship when either party develops feelings for someone else. This is great for managing the relationship in case of an unexpected situation.
Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say
As a child, you can easily pick up on subtle things your family says. Whether they follow through on what they are saying will depend on whether you trust them or not. Consequently, we will turn to our instincts and adjust our expectations accordingly.
Therefore, as much as you’re looking to build trust in a new relationship, it’s also essential to do the same. Remember to follow through on what you say and act in a manner that represents your feelings for the same to be reciprocated.
Ask Loved Ones For A Second Opinion
It never hurts to get a second opinion. Sometimes we can quickly get into our heads contemplating if what we’ve noticed is a red flag or not. Therefore, who else can you turn to other than a sober-minded friend or relative?
Trust in them to give you advice on if what you’re seeing is the truth or if you’re overreacting from an old situation. Sometimes, getting clarity outside the relationship is excellent. Also, remember, it’s never a sign of weakness to ask for a second opinion.