The foundation of every relationship is communication. If you act passive-aggressive when upset, you might be setting yourself up for a fighting match with your partner even when asked what the issue is.
When you muster up the courage to iron out your feelings with your partner, and it still ends in confrontation or is met with defensiveness, it’s time to change things around. A healthy communication pattern is essential in developing a chaos-free way to solving conflict.
Remember, you can take control of the situation and change how you approach solving issues. So try and de-escalate conflict with your partner with these helpful guide to get them to hear you without descending into a yelling match.
Have Emotional Integrity
Communicate about the issues you may have with your partner. That means not moping around sending non-verbal communication about something that is disturbing you. Be fair to your emotions.
Of course, not everything needs to be addressed immediately. So if you’re not ready, you can ask for time to process and revisit later. When you are prepared to discuss, be accurate with your feelings and convey everything clearly.
Keep The Communication Two Way
Think about your approach when addressing situations. If you’re carrying the entire argument by yourself, focusing the conversation on you and only you, you’re asking for a recipe for conflict.
Communication is a two-way street so keep it that way. Make it an open conversation where you can state your problems, suggest opinions and ask them for their thoughts on the matter. Therefore, if there are any issues you both have, they can be clarified then.
Look For The Motive
If, during the conversation, you feel as though your partner always responds in a certain way, take time to reflect on what they mean. For instance, if they tell you are a nag, get detailed with them and look into why the accusation stands.
In the heat of the moment, people don’t express themselves clearly. What your partner could be doing is concealing information they don’t want you to find out or trying to confess that you may be controlling them too much. So take time and assess what’s being said.
Choose Your Moment
Read the room. As much as something is bothering you, you need to choose the right situation to address the matter. That means steering clear of the days your partner has had a horrible day at work or is clearly in a bad mood.
Choosing the best moment ensures you will be heard and will allow your partner to respond healthily. Talking away when someone is low on energy, compassion, or patience might have them respond in a manner they wouldn’t have intended.
Remove All Expectation
Expectations can sometimes you up. Of course, there is a sure way you would like the conversation to go down. However, as you build expectations on the best way your partner should respond to you, it might not be pretty.
We are all human. Chances that your partner will respond exactly how you want them to are not realistic. Therefore, remove any expectation of how you would like the conversation to play out and create a fair ground between you.
Go easy on the salt. Yes, a particular situation may be bothering you, and you would like to convey it in the worst way possible to be heard. While that isn’t wrong, remember not to make things too awful until you lose your credibility.
Stick to the matter on board and try not to steer clear of the facts. Doing so will only make you angrier. Therefore, use inside voices and a softer tone while saying your peace for your partner to understand you clearly.
No name-calling, please. If you call your partner all sorts of insulting names and expect them to keep calm and listen to you, your conversation will not be civil. This is especially true when addressing matters you feel they do not contribute sufficiently to.
Strive for communication without hostility. Start by saying the positive things you appreciate about them because not everything can be wrong about a person. After, mention suggestions for change without pointing the finger at your partner.