Dishing the Dirt on the Penis: Does Size Really Matter?

The proof of the pudding is in the tasting, my grandmother used to say, but then again she also said: Don’t buy a 180-pound porker for the sake of an 8 oz. sausage…

Just to be clear, what she meant was basically: enjoying the sausage isn’t worth putting up with the oinking, snorting, and slurping – not unless this was an absolute primo sausage.

Let’s not beat about the pubic bush…What she was advising us granddaughters was to make sure the dude you’re heading to bed with has adequate equipment, in other words, a reasonably sized penis.

Does Size Matter? You Betcha!

Yes, yes, we’ve all heard that “size doesn’t matter,” but I suspect that maxim was invented by men who were under par for the course if you know what I mean. But my gran said it did, and although at the time I was virginally outraged at judging someone on the size of his penis, I was later to secretly – and now not so secretly – agree with her.

From Big Boy to Weenie Wanker

As with women’s breasts, penis sizes and shapes vary enormously. You get the GINORMOUS, the BIG BOY, the PERFECTLY NICE, the OK…IS THAT ALL?, and the COCKTAIL SAUSAGE, better known as the WEENIE WANKER.

The first one, Mr. Ginormous, can be frankly intimidating, although it is the penis size men seem to consider the ultimate in physiological ambition. Personally, I’m quite partial to the Big Boy and have had lots of fun with Mr. Perfectly Nice.

And Now What Do You Do?

The rub comes when in the heat of passion the guy who kisses like a dream, and has you dizzy with desire suddenly whips out an Ok…Is That All? You’ll know it when you see it, because you will be overcome with this vague feeling of disappointment.

If the owner of the Ok…Is That All? is skilled and dedicated, you can have a very satisfactory encounter indeed, but you will not be tearing at his shoulders screaming “Ravish me you wild beast!” That’s just not Mr. Ok…Is That All?.

Cocktail Sausage – The Ultimate Nightmare

But the ultimate cringe moment is when a 6 foot 10 guy with shoulders like a linebacker arrogantly displays his very, very, VERY modest manhood.

And girls, this is teeny-tiny time, and the guy looks so proud you just KNOW that his entire life kindly women have been telling him he’s hung like a donkey. But honestly, a Chihuahua would feel underprivileged…

Please note we are not referring to clinical conditions, this is a normal, erect penis on the downsized side of the sliding scale. Like Mr. the Ok…Is That All?, Mr. Cocktail Sausage can be a very satisfactory lover, but at that crucial moment, you might find yourself wanting to ask: “Babe? Are you there? HELLO??? Is there anybody down there?”

When Size Doesn’t Matter

But listen, if your guy is kind, loving, supportive and adoring, and has you knocking on Heaven’s door with his out-of-this-world foreplay, no matter his penis size, just skip this entire article.

However, if you are out to wallow in a sweaty encounter with a man you plan to use for cheap sex, then size DOES matter. I mean…You can have tuna casserole at home, and very nice and satisfying it is too, but if you want a tasty, high calorie take away, go for the MEGA BURGER with all the trimmings. Pig out!

And people remember, stay safe, and be careful out there.