Sex On The First Date: Slutty, Desperate, or Perfectly Okay?

Nothing is harder nowadays then navigating the dos and do-nots of love and sex – sometimes two very different things.

Back in the good old days before the Sexual Revolution, it was simple: If you “did it” you were a slut; if you didn’t you were a “good girl.” Of course, the 60s threw all that chastity out of the window, and our now ever-so-prim mothers and fathers, grandmas and grandpas, were sexing up a storm, and smoking pot until their eyeballs floated.

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Sex And The 60s

That’s right, the people who now sniff at “this generation” were doing the dirty and screaming “make love not war,” and boy did they ever. This meant that when the former Hippies became parents and grandparents and started obsessing over their own offspring’s sexuality, things got very confusing…

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Make Sex Not Love

Somewhere along the way – in clear rebellion to their parents “make love” motto – people started militantly “making sex.” Lots of sex, the more the better. Whereas once having sex was something you could do if you wanted to (the great achievement of the Sexual Revolution) now it has become something you have to do.

Back in the good old days before the Sexual Revolution, it was simple.

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Doing It On The First Date

So nowadays, when a man asks a woman out on that first date, it is almost expected that they will “do it.” And many do. Many men and women out there have sex with someone they don’t really know, with whom they may have nothing in common except the spit they’ve just exchanged on the back of the cab over to his/her place.

Which is just fine, don’t get me wrong, we ain’t judging. But are you doing it because you want to or because it’s expected of you? Or because if you don’t you’ll never get another date, and be alone for the rest of your life?

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Slutty Sex

Now, the first option, of course, indicates that you are just out for a night of brazen boinking with a man you probably never want to see again, and whose number you will block from your phone the minute you leave his place.

Please note: It is advisable when engaging in no-holds-barred slutty sex that you never ever take him home to your place. Ever. Oh, and those condoms are a must, in any circumstances.

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Desperately-Seeking-Steve Sex

OK, this is the kind of decision to have sex on the first date that is prompted not by good old-fashioned lust, but by a fear of “losing” that person you don’t even know you want.

Many women engage in sex on that proverbial first date because they feel that if they don’t the guy won’t call, they’ll get dumped. And of course, that can and does happen.

But interestingly enough, the feedback from many of my male friends is that the girl who does it on the first date, does it with anyone, and so is not considered girlfriend material…

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Now What?

So…Guys will do it on the first date (and every other date) and are not considered sluts, but girls who do are? Wait a damn minute! Our sluttier sisters have the same right to spread it around as the men, and not be judged for it.  

On the other hand, according to men, girls who don’t do it on the first date had better be ready to give it up by date 4 at the latest, or be labeled as prudes or frigid…

Do we sniff the unsavory odor of double standards here? Was this what our mothers and grandmothers burnt their bras for?

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You Can Go Your Own Way

Listen, ladies, you go ahead and follow your hearts, or you twitching clitorises, and do what you feel is right for you. If you want to bang that guy against the jukebox on that first date? Go right ahead.

You want to wait and see if you actually like the guy before discovering that interesting mole on his butt? That’s cool too. The only thing that is not cool is you want to barter your body for someone’s love and attention. That not only doesn’t work, but it will also leave you feeling used, angry, and lonelier than ever.

Girls, love yourselves, remember that the dude is lucky to be even breathing the same air as you. You deserve more. Believe it, and you’ll get it! Have fun and have safe sex!

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