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Story Of The Day: My Toxic Friendship Taught Me These Tough Lessons

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July 03, 2021

We meet all kinds of people in life, but not everyone wishes us well. People come and go, but the scars and stories they leave behind stay with us. Sometimes, we carry them as trophies, reminding us of how far we’ve come. 

Forging friendships is one of the most beautiful phenomena ever to exist. After all, having good friends is equivalent to enjoying a luxurious life. They are priceless, and their companionship gives us the strength to keep going. 

However, I’m here to tell you that friendship can sometimes be a terrible ship. If you’ve ever had a friend who ruined you mentally and emotionally, you might agree with me. So allow me to share the most challenging lessons I learned from my toxic friendship. 

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Not All Friends Want The Best For You 

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It’s weird yet true that we cannot make everyone happy. Sometimes, in the pursuit of pleasing our friends, we can end up upsetting ourselves. Trust me, I’ve been down that road, and it’s a bumpy ride. Also, it seems never-ending at first, until you decide to take a turn. 

My friend had the advantage of being close to me. She was someone I cared deeply about, a friend for whom I’d do anything. Perhaps that was the reason why she figured she could hurt me in the process, thinking I wouldn’t budge. And she was right; I didn’t object. 

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For a long time, I kept hurting silently. However she treated me, I told myself it was all right. I kept taking her accusations, her anger, and her untimely frustration. And I endured it all without a word. 

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But then it dawned on me that she couldn’t care less for myself, let alone my feelings. In my efforts to save her, I was losing myself. And that was when I began to look for ways to protect myself from her influence. 

You Define Your Self-Worth 

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One prevalent trait of toxic people is that they love belittling others. Whatever is lacking in their personality, they project it all out on other people. In this way, they extract happiness from seeing others suffer, just like a sadist. 

I went through the same vicious circle with my friend. She almost convinced me that I wasn’t good enough and used my introversion as supporting evidence. As a result, I started leaning on her for validation and support, none of which I ever received. 

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Then came a dark time when I started to experience sheer abandonment. It felt like I couldn’t function if my friend weren’t around and that I was dependent on her companionship. However, the more I confided in her, the more negative she became.

But because God wanted me to realize my self-worth, I slowly began to drift away from her. We had a major fight due to incredibly petty reasons, and she finally set me free. It wasn’t complete freedom, of course, but just the eye-opener I needed. 

Anything That Ruins Your Peace Of Mind & Heart Is Not Worth It 

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If your friend or partner is constantly feeding on your ego, you’re better off without them. Of course, initially, it may seem impossible. You might even go through instances where you miss them immensely. Worse of all, you may even end up going back to them. 

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However, it is essential to realize that you matter, and so does your mental well-being. The first thing a toxic friend or lover does is destroy you emotionally. So if your friendship is only messing with your head and heart, it’s better to let go. 

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As for me, I eventually found a way out. It turned out; I was able to distance myself from my friend gradually. She’s doing beyond well in her life, and I sometimes check up on her. However, I’m no more in shackles, and she doesn’t control me anymore. 

While a part of me wishes I’d done this sooner; maybe this is how it was meant to be. I learned the lessons I needed to, and they’ll probably last me a lifetime. Regardless, I’m finally free and more myself than I’ve ever been. 

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