I needed to face my darkest side to learn how to love myself finally. Learning your self-worth and how to love yourself is a journey, and it can be hard at times. But it’s definitely a beautiful process.
Why is it so hard to love ourselves? I don’t know about you, but for me, it was a darn arduous journey. Some people learn to love themselves the hard way, and that’s how it happened for me as well.
Many of us have a toxic relationship with our own selves and end up treating ourselves as if we are our own enemy. But why is that?
One of the definitions of self-love is to respect and acknowledge all parts of yourself. It’s to give love and appreciate yourself for who you truly are.
As hard as it may be, it’s to embrace your darkness, your traumas, and your wounds. It’s to love your shadows and your bright side equally.
Breaking The Negative Bias
I’ve suffered from neglect in my own upbringing, and I struggled to have a positive self-image. I used to place my self-worth in other people’s hands — which made me a co-dependent person.
My mom wasn’t the most nourishing mother, and her ways of showing her love to me weren’t how a child expects — which is through affection and loving words — and my inner child understood that as she wasn’t worthy of receiving love from her mother and so neither from others.
Because of that, I grew up having difficulties accepting myself, thus didn’t know how to nourish and love myself. That reflected in my adulthood as an adult lacking in confidence and low self-esteem.
I walked through life doing like many of us do — with harsh self-talk and feeling sorry for myself. I don’t know how I could live like this for so long. Until I hit a point, I couldn’t avoid looking at my old traumas and wounds that were preventing me from being more compassionate. I even went through a divorce.
A Blessing In Disguise
The breaking up was followed by a heavy Dark Night Of The Soul, and it happened after my 30th birthday. It was the Universe forcing me to face life as a real adult.
During my darkest hours, I felt depressed, anxious, and sad. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for months. I flirted with depression, and I felt hopeless, but the only thing that kept me going was meditation.
Meditation literally saved me from a hard-core depression. With consistent practice, I was capable of facing my shadows, heal my wounds and accept all parts of me.
I could finally understand my needs, respect my values, learned to say no to things that aren’t good for me, and I realized that those emotions were like a blessing in disguise — an opportunity to learn something from them and grow.
I became my best friend, and I finally learned how to love myself just the way I am. And I found inside me the love that I was longing for so long… I found it within.
“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”Marc Salveson