Everyone happens to argue with their partners from time to time, and each couple has their way of doing it. As long as the dialogue remains a constructive connotation, then that’s fine.
The problem is triggered when, in the heat of the moment, one or both partners let themselves go in uttering unhappy and highly deleterious sentences detrimental to the relationship. It only takes a moment to collapse the certainties and trust in your partner.
Communication is essential in a couple. When you live in situations where words become heavy, there is distrust and difficulty in being together. One falls into the trap of hurting the other without, moreover, being understood.
1. You Don’t Understand Me
It’s a great classic. There is an ongoing dispute, and the only way to interrupt the communication is with a sentence like this. But in this way, any relational contact closes, preventing the other from making an alternative move.
These words respond to the need to free ourselves from tensions and see how our partner reacts. The solution is not to remember the times they understood you but to use irony to trigger a more constructive dialogue.
2. With Everything I’ve Done For You
It is undoubtedly an unfortunate phrase because it is judgmental and not very constructive. Emphasize devotion to your partner and always being available. With these words, one tries to make the other feel guilty, but that reproach will not have any positive effect. Instead, it could create a sense of guilt or even spite.
Whoever uses this phrase, which has a substantial judgment in itself, may have accumulated negative aspects over time. The solution is to confront each time when something is wrong. In this way, the comparison becomes constructive and does not accumulate any heaviness.
3. I Do It For Your Good
This sentence is a way to keep winning over your partner and keeping them hooked negatively. It is used when one perceives that the other is escaping.
It is better to say: “I feel that what you are doing is not beneficial to me. I warn you because it could create problems for you and me too.” In this way, we are less judgmental and open to confrontation
4. Comparing Your Partner To Your Ex
The wrong way to confront what’s wrong is to bring up another person and compare them. This phrase should never, ever be used with men because it triggers an irreparable narcissistic wound.
The ex becomes a ghost who reappears. On an emotional level, the wound in the man is more profound and could vent itself on the woman, perhaps with a fit of uncontrollable jealousy.
5. My Mother Cooks It Like This…
This sentence is quite miserable and avoids recognizing the partner’s abilities. The answer should be ready, not accusatory and provocative, but ready to play down: “I have prepared this thing that I have seen you like so much. Maybe I’m not that far from satisfying you with food.”
In this way, the other is given the opportunity to understand that he has said a foolish thing that only leads to discontent.
6. Forget It. I’ll Do It
If the woman says this, she is taking the risk of never letting her partner do that again. A man could undoubtedly take it to heart and no longer engage in a particular activity in which his partner does not consider him good.
To get the same message across without offending or discouraging the other, one could say: “I believe that if I had paid more attention… Thanks in any case for what you did.”
7. You’re Not My Mother/I’m Not Your Mother
Both men and women say it. If he is the one to say it, he wants to emphasize that his mother is irreplaceable. If she is the one to say it, it shows how much her mother, despite everything, is still present.
In both cases, the parent is a cumbersome figure within the processes of autonomy and responsibility. We could imagine shirts to be ironed. Instead, the ideal reply should be: “love, maybe you lack the time, and I am not able to do it. We can find a solution, for example, taking the shirts to the laundry.”
8. You Have Gained Weight
You should never utter this sentence. It is seen as something that compromises one’s charm, prevents the reinforcement of self-esteem that is sometimes built with difficulty.
Instead, say, “I see that lately, you are giving yourself more to the good life,” it can be a good alternative that makes us understand but does not offend.
9. You Don’t Care About Me
This sentence is made when the situation is already compromised, and you are in a gray area. Saying it is not only not functional, but it underlines a dimension of judgment. Often it has the opposite effect: it reinforces what is wrong and pushes the partner to go elsewhere, which puts them at risk of betrayal.
It is a dangerous sentence. When something is wrong, you have to accept the responsibility of saying it, allowing yourself to activate constructive growth in you both.
10. If You Really Love Me, You Would
Love is not a bargaining chip. Mature love gives without expecting anything in return because it finds satisfaction in the process of giving.
Furthermore, this sentence is an apparent attempt at emotional manipulation that will not lead to anything good in the relationship.