A Guide To Identifying Toxic Relationships In Your Life

No relationship is perfect, and they’re all most definitely different, but they’re not supposed to be filled with troubles! Love is exciting, makes you reckless, and can be blinding enough to miss the red flags!

Aah, love, it’s a beautiful feeling when you have someone that gets you excited and makes your head spin to the point where you have vertigo! But sometimes, our friends and family pick up warning signs before we do, and it can be tough to let that idea sit with you.

Toxic relationships are hard to get out of, even when you’re ready, and when you’re stuck in one, it’s highly unlikely that you will even recognize it! Just in case you need some signs, here are a few to help you out.

Feeling Drained And Distressed

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Spending time with your partner should be fulfilling; it shouldn’t leave you exhausted! Maybe it’s because you’re constantly arguing or because you’re the only one making any effort; whatever it is, something needs to change.

Every relationship has stressful periods, but toxic relationships seem to give you never-ending stress! We all know the toll stress takes on you is both mental and physical, and your overall wellbeing is put at risk.

Lack Of Support

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You don’t feel like they have your back when you need it, even though you would have theirs in a heartbeat. Having someone you can rely on is one of the keys to a successful relationship, and empty promises are a huge red flag!

When you’re promised something, your partner should be able to deliver, or at least communicate if they can’t commit. A relationship is based on effort on both parts, not exactly 50-50, but you can’t be the only one putting in the effort. 

Controlling Behaviors

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If your partner has an issue with things in your life that you were never really bothered about before the relationship. One prevalent issue is having a problem with how you dress, but it can extend to what you’re posting online!

Surely they don’t want some pervert ogling at you, right? Wrong, this can be a sign of abuse of power. If your partner preys on your vulnerability and willingness to make them happy in the relationship, it’s an immediate red flag!

Where Have Your Friends And Family Gone

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Sometimes they’re coy about it and make you cancel your plans to spend time with them. Say you tell them about a girl’s night with your friends on the weekend, and they then start making excuses about plans to spend time with you, red flag!

Master manipulators will try to convince you that your friends or family are against your relationship, especially if someone mentions something that doesn’t seem right. Their whole goal is to isolate you so they can have better control because if you listen to your friends, you’re not going to listen to them!

Playing The Victim Card

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Okay, so we’ve all guilted someone we loved to get our way, but a toxic partner does it all the time! Especially when you try to address an issue that impacts you negatively, they somehow manage to turn it around on you!

They may even bring up past issues when you try to bring light to a recent one, like the one time you bought your ex a shoe, but you can’t buy them one. You might even be framed with anger issues just to make you apologize!

Gaslighting And Lies

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If there was an OG red flag, it would be lies! Lying about anything, even if it’s as small as where they’ve been all day, can put you in a state of distress and can leave you questioning if they’re faithful.

Gaslighting is when your partner denies that something happened and makes you feel like your feelings are invalid and you’re irrational. They could say something that upsets you, and when you bring it up, they either call you sensitive or convince you that it never happened.

The hard part is that toxic partners can lie and gaslight you with ease. They might even try to convince you that your own mind is betraying you and you can’t trust it. RUN!

Toxic Communication

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If your partner is critical of you, narcissistic, and uses the silent treatment to show that they’re angry, it should let your toxic radar light up! If your partner is constantly spewing negative words and energy around you, then you should know it’s time to get out.

You might even find yourself making excuses for their shitty behavior in hopes that they’re saying these negative things because they have your best interests at heart! You might be walking on eggshells trying not to upset them further when they start communicating in a toxic way.

You Don’t Like Their Friends

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You don’t have to be besties with or even feel compelled to date their friends, but the people around them should be good people. Toxic people are surrounded by people who align with their views and who will justify their behavior.

If your partner is surrounded by people who show indifference to principles and have values that you strongly disagree with, it will affect your relationship. Your partner may even turn to their friends to justify their behavior and make you feel like you’re wrong or your feelings are invalid.

Written By:
Dr Saadiqah Hajat

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