A Guide To Navigating Celibacy In A Marriage

Couples living under the sheets like brother and sister are on the rise, and 20% of marriages end up there. The phenomenon concerns spouses later in life and young couples and, in some cases, even newlyweds.

Most relationships start with love and passion. But the routine associated with boredom often supersedes these feelings and leads to sexless marriages. When couples stop having sex, it weakens the union. 

Yet, a sexless marriage looks like an insurmountable problem for couples. They may not even know how or why the sex stopped and feel embarrassed and depressed about the situation. Fear not: you can learn how to cope with a sexless marriage.

Reasons For A Sexless Marriage

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Sex can stop in a marriage for several reasons. Maybe you and your husband no longer spend private time together because you are worried that the others in the house will overhear you. Or perhaps you work after hours. 

Maybe no one is initiating sex because the other partner has said “no” too many times. There are many reasons for a sexless marriage. Learning the reasons is the first step in changing the problem.

Past Trauma

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Previous trauma involving sex can disrupt any sexual feelings you might have now, which can lead to a sexless marriage. Suppose you’ve been sexually abused and never adequately treated for it. In that case, you may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder – all of these can keep you from wanting to have sexual relations.

It is often challenging to maintain a healthy sex life if you have PTSD caused by previous (sexual) abuse. PTSD causes withdrawal, recreates the event in your mind, and avoids any circumstances that remind you of the abuse.

Emotional Issues In Marriage

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The quality of your sex life could indicate problems in your relationship. If you don’t get along with your husband, it’s hard to want to have sex. 

If you’re always irritable with each other, judging each other, criticizing each other, or blaming each other whenever there’s a problem, you won’t want to have sex, and you could end up in a sexless marriage in no time.

How To Cope With A Sexless Marriage

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When you are in a marriage without sex, it usually means that there is an underlying problem in the union. 

Once you and your spouse can understand the problem and learn how to solve it, you will have a much better chance of having a happy marriage with sex.

See A Professional

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Because health issues are the cause of so many dead rooms, a visit with your doctor may be able to improve or rule out the underlying conditions that are affecting your libido. Viagra might be all your husband needs to get tough and let go of his shame and anxiety about sex.

A therapist specializing in intimacy and sexual difficulties can offer you suggestions for bringing sex back to your marriage. Typical tips that a therapist or counselor might make would be to talk about the problem without distraction.

Written By:
Titi Dokubo

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