A rather original practice, which consists of getting married to oneself, is gaining in importance worldwide. Is it at least legal? In an episode of the American series “Sex and the City,” the heroine Carrie Bradshaw decides to put the ring on herself.
She was tired of waiting for her prince charming. The fictitious character then gave a name to a relational model which would later become real: sologamy.
However, the first to say “yes” to herself in the real world was a certain Linda Baker in 1993. Since then, this phenomenon has become more and more widespread.
What Is Sologamy?
Sologamy is the act of marrying yourself. It is the art of flourishing without depending on the other to live in happiness. A philosophy of life that aims for empowerment is about focusing on yourself and getting to know yourself better. To be single, assume it 100%, and claim it through a solid and demonstrative act.
This movement is mainly supported by women wishing to turn their backs on married life and traditional marriage. Some men can also choose this lifestyle. This is because sologamy consists of a celebration of oneself and a demonstration of happiness without depending on anyone.
The danger of this relational model is to indulge in solitude and not open the door to romantic relationships. Often used as a solution to celibacy and childhood wounds that prevent relationships, sologamy allows you to focus on yourself and get to know yourself better.
However, sologamy is not a long quiet river: our personality is in perpetual change. It requires focusing on its interiority and understanding its transformations to love each other little by little.
Is It Legal?
Any law does not yet recognize self-marriage, so it is not legal. Self-marriage is just a spiritual and symbolic act that sologams can celebrate with their loved ones like a real marriage. For sologams, it is a meaningful ceremony that demonstrates a commitment to self-compassion.
In addition, in the United States, some sites already offer auto-marriage kits. Described as “a roadmap to positivity,” this kit has everything you need to create your ceremony, including a self-marriage alliance, daily wishes, and affirmation cards.
Is Sologamy A Reaction Or A Choice?
The reasons leading to the desire for sologamy are numerous. Still, they are often linked to past romantic relationships and to the wounds they have caused: a breakup, a betrayal, even humiliation or violence. In this case, it would be an avoidance of relationships for fear of suffering.
For many single people, auto-marriage would therefore be a way to lock themselves in a bubble and forge a shell to protect themselves from the potential future injuries that relationships can inflict. Some people marry themselves by assumed choice simply because they do not want to fit into the norms of society.
Can Sologamists Get Divorced Or Separated?
No model is better than another. Auto-marriage is therefore not always rosy: like every relationship model, it has its ups and downs. Throughout your life, your tastes and personality change. Being a sologam means you will have to continually get to know and love yourself despite your mistakes and faults. It is constant work.
However, if sologamy no longer suits you, you cannot divorce or separate from yourself. Once you are self-married, to divorce yourself would mean no longer living with you and, therefore, committing suicide. Once married to yourself, it would be beneficial to rebuild yourself to start a relationship with yourself or with another by being different.