Ending A ” Situationship” Is Allowed To Feel Painful

There are no wrong or right ways to have a relationship. Title or no title a break-up is a break-up, and you should have the space to process that in the best way for you.

“It’s like you’re playing house by pretending you’re in a relationship, but with no real consistency, dependency or reliability”

Dating coach and author Samantha Burns gives an analogy of situationships

A situationship can be defined as an agreed-upon (either verbally or through their actions) casual romantic partnership that this relationship is contingent on the situation. It’s based mainly on convenience, like a holiday fling. It may or may not develop after that, but that great thing about them is that you can get to know someone at a pace that’s not dictated by the title. 

Call It What It Is

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash

The bizarre thing about situationships is all the uncertainty that can surround them. The waters get even murkier when you “break up,” and it feels a lot like a breakup, but you were also never a thing, thing, so can you call it a breakup? It’s 100% a breakup, and those post-breakup feelings you’re having are 100% valid.

Titles don’t legitimize feelings. Your time, energy, and emotions were directed to this relationship you had. Process whatever feelings you’re having accordingly, and it feels like a breakup, you get to call it that.

Talk Or Write About Your Feelings

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If it feels like what you need, chat with a mate who will acknowledge your feelings about the feelings that you’re having.

However, sometimes it can be challenging to speak to someone about your break up because of that “I told you so” or “but you weren’t even dating” energy, and you just end up feeling further invalidated. You may choose to write down those feelings to start to unpack them and process them.

Take Your L

Photo by Brina Blum on Unsplash

The day’s going to come when you can look back, and you don’t feel gutted by this relationship.  Take stock and see what came out of it.

Maybe you come to some enlightening realizations about how you process things in a relationship – which can be different from how you process things in general. You could also realize something that you are good at or areas of improvement and adjust accordingly. The ‘L’ always stands for lessons.

Written By:
Tumisang Mosito

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