Exploring The World Of BDSM & What It Entails

Fifty Shades was a kinky intro into the world of BDSM, but there’s more to kinky sex than the love story let on. With many people trying to spice it up in the bedroom, it’s good to know how to keep it safe!

You’ve probably watched the kinky play on a TV show, a movie, or porn, but the illustration we get from media is not accurate to the actual play itself. There’s way more to it than what you’ve been exposed to!

While it can be alarming to see the use and misuse of BDSM play on platforms, it’s essential to know more about BDSM before you dive in! If you’re new to BDSM play or just curious, here’s a guide to safe play.

What Is BDSM?

It’s not just one category; there are three categories of BDSM. Your experience doesn’t have to include all of the categories, and roles are not exclusive to partners; you have free will to change it up.

The first category is Bondage and Discipline, which involves having one partner who is dominant and the other the submissive. The dominant’s focus is to control the submissive’s pleasure, and the submissive’s focus is staying disciplined. You can use restraints like handcuffs and ropes during this kind of play.

The second category is Dominance and Submission, which involves an emotional or physical power dynamic shift that may only apply to erotic play or be full-time. The dominant partner exercises power over the submissive during sexual encounters or to receive favors.

The third category is sadism and masochism, which is all about getting pleasure from pain. The sadist partner exercises their power by inflicting pain which the masochist enjoys experiencing.

Rules And Consent

Photo by Michèle Eckert on Unsplash

You never have to partake in anything you don’t enjoy! This is why communication and consent are essential because you get to express the actions you’re interested in and set boundaries.

Discuss what you’ll be doing during playtime to determine if your partner is opposed to any of the activities. Even if you’ve consented to an act, you can use the safe word when you feel uncomfortable! 

Safe Word

The safe word should be something you would never say in the bedroom so that it can grab your partner’s attention and you can be comforted even if you’ve consented to an activity; if you feel uncomfortable use the safe word!

The traffic light system is an easy, safe word system. Red for stop, yellow for slow down when it gets too intense, and green for go!

Pace Yourself

It’s a marathon, not a sprint! So take your time, discuss in depth with your partner what you would like to achieve during BDSM play, and listen to what they want as well.

Respect their boundaries and don’t force them to try things they aren’t comfortable with. So if your partner is against restraints, respect that and find another avenue to excite them and elicit pleasure!

Don’t Go Broke In The Name Of Fun

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

BDSM play hardly requires you to break the bank buying sex toys and equipment in the name of fun and experimentation! Your hands are all the toys you need, especially if you’re on a budget!

Other household tools can substitute for equipment like using clothespins instead of nipple clamps. But toys and equipment can certainly up the ante and increase pleasure!

Set The Scene

Before diving into play, think about where you’d like to try it and how you want it to play out. If you don’t want to be disturbed, then having the kids around is not the time to try it out, so you can go to a hotel or ask a friend or family member to babysit them.

Dirty talk can encourage your partner and help bring your fantasies to life! Experiment with phrases and terms that encourage your partner to bring them and you satisfaction!

Aftercare

Shutterstock By davidaguerophoto

A is a vital part of BDSM play that media tends to neglect. Aftercare is for both partners and includes activities that help your partner recover from any extensive play and helps them physically and emotionally transition back to reality!

Reflection on all activities is a great way to make sure your partner is always comfortable and satisfied. Reflection can sometimes take longer than just an hour after play has ended, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open.

Written By:
Dr Saadiqah Hajat

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