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Relationship Advice: How To Open Up About Your Sexual Fantasies To Your Partner


April 12, 2021

Sexual fantasies are part of the imagination of men and women and are often linked to behaviors or objects which, by common sense, are taboo. If an erotic fantasy becomes pressing, how can you tell your partner about it?

There is no pre-established method to do this because the field variables are different: communication with the partner, the solidity of the relationship, our feeling concerning fantasy.

In general, pondering, acting with caution, and respecting the other can be the starting points. And you don't necessarily have to take action: even just an allusion, seasoned with a bit of irony, can be exciting.

Before Talking To Your Partner About Sexual Fantasies

First, let's try to clarify our ideas. In communicating our erotic fantasies to our partner, what do we really want? Having a sexual fantasy does not always mean actually wanting to fulfill it. Or, once satisfied, we can be disappointed and realize that the erotic fantasy was a fantasy.

Among other considerations, let us ask ourselves if the fantasy in question could cause harm or be dangerous. And let's not neglect the consequences on the relationship and the partner's reaction: could he accept that sexual fantasy, or would he judge us badly and the relationship would be cracked?

How To Talk To Your Partner About Sexual Fantasies

If you are determined to share your sexual fantasies with your partner after carefully considering the matter, all that remains is to find the best way to tell them about them. 

There are no universal techniques because the approach can vary, among other things, according to the type of relationship you have and your personality.


In general, it seems preferable to proceed gradually. You could start testing the ground with a joke, a quick hint, or by watching a movie. You could also talk about a book that portrays that fantasy and evaluate his reactions and opinions. 

If you feel embarrassed, you can tell him about it in the dark or by whispering in his ear. In any case, it is best to clarify his genuine consent and set the limits. For example, if the erotic fantasy is extreme, you can agree on a word or phrase to signal that you don't want to move on.