Hello, my name is Siba, and I’ve been ghosted. Multiple times actually, it’s 2021, and there are a plethora of dating apps available at our fingertips, so I tell myself everyone has gone through it.
If you are a younger millennial or from gen z, you have probably been ghosted once or twice. There are plenty of things that can contribute to someone deciding to ghost you, but they don’t stop it from hurting.
Whether it’s a blow to the ego or disappointment to have lost a connection, we all feel terrible after being ghosted. That’s why I recently went on a journey to figure out why it was happening to me so often.
The Breaking Point
When you’re in your early 20s, being ghosted isn’t such a big deal. You meet people online all the time, have fleeting connections that barely last, and do it all again before your phone battery dies.
It’s a never-ending cycle with how quickly everything moves these days, and it’s all we’ve ever known. Unfortunately, most people can endure the short-lived situationships for only so long before they break.
The breaking point for me was in my second year of university. I was 20 years old, never been in a long-term relationship, and just freshly ghosted by someone who seemed like a fantastic match I’d met on Tinder.
Tinder connections don’t usually last, but this one sucked because I may have actually liked him. I thought it was mutual until he disappeared. He was the third in under a year, so I concluded that I was the problem.
The Blame Game
After my two-week sulking plan, I went on an introspection mission to figure out what was wrong with me. I concluded many things; some were unkind, others missed the point entirely, and others were surprisingly valid.
My first conclusion, one of the unkind ones, was that I was fat. The situations I was in never went past a physical intimacy unless I barely knew the person, so I deduced that the thought of my naked body repulsed people.
They soon became more realistic; I blamed myself for being emotionally unavailable, too cold, and independent. I rolled with that one for a year; then I got ghosted by a girl who started dating my former crush.
After that, I blamed my preference on partners. By then, everyone had made me question my confidence, intelligence, sexuality, and even my mental state. I vowed to focus on myself and work and didn’t look back.
Two years went by, and keeping to myself seemed like a breeze. I was only slightly triggered here and there when meaningless flirtations and promises of pancakes after clubbing amounted to nothing in the end.
Then, the pandemic happened. Months stuck at home made me realize that I was wasting the best time in my life, wondering why I wasn’t good enough. For the first time ever, I was able to stop and think to ask.
And so I did. I thought back to the most prevalent ghosting experience I had and realized it happened in high school. I texted the boy who ghosted me when I was 17 and finally got all the answers I wanted.
As I listened to that man explain himself, I realized he could be lying, but it didn’t matter because I took a healthy step towards moving on. So, to all the boys who’ve ever ghosted me before, thank you for teaching me to be brave.